That Girl

I am the poster girl for a life that no woman wants to have. I have lived through one of the oldest stories in the book. Girl meets guy, girl has sex with guy, and guy goes around bragging to everyone that he hit it, but never calls. Girl is labeled as a ho. Girl finds out she is pregnant and confronts guy. Guy denies being the father and tries to pretend that they never met.

Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me again after that, and again I will take all the blame. Why is it that the guy always gets to walk clean away, and the girl is left to bare the mark of her sins? None of my four pregnancies were planned. For three of them I was literally left holding the bag.

The first ended with a miscarriage and I was allowed to live down the error of my ways. The second gave me the precious gift of my first child and eldest son, so I can hardly be mad. When the third occurred, my doctor told me that God has an awesome sense of humor. Even though I love my beautiful twin girls, I hardly found it a laughing matter. My fourth pregnancy was fate making a mockery of my life. My dear Joshua came to me in spite of that fact that I took measures to permanently end getting pregnant.

Through all of my pregnancies I felt alone, and was most often humiliated for one reason or another. I love all my children with every drop of blood in my body, I just hated being pregnant. My last go round was going fine, but due to unforeseen circumstances the father and I was separated. For the amount of emotional distress and heavy heartedness that I have gone through, it’s amazing that I came out in one piece.

I’m so glad that part of my life is over. Of course if I had the chance I would do it all differently. I think that I would focus on trying to be a better person, instead of trying to get some man’s approval. I am aware of my mistakes and continue the process of trying to make my life better, for myself and my children.

Fortunately, I have the opportunity to right many wrongs and give my kids a chance at the life I never had. They have both a mother and father who work tirelessly to make sure they have a better go of things in their lives. This is not done by giving them materials, but by ensuring that they know the dos and don’ts that seemed to trap us.

I have come a long way from my meager beginnings. I still have a ways to go, but at least I’m not where I use to be. Perhaps even right now I am that girl that some women wish they could be.