One Dark Nite

I remember a time, back when I was in junior college, I was young and restless. I was looking for the next big thing to happen in my life. There was a girl who I was acquainted with. We weren’t really friends; I know this because I can’t recall her name. I told her I was on the market and looking for a man. She told me that she had a cousin who was equally single. She invited me to his house for a date.

I got my mother to drop me off at his house. I told her I was going to meet a girlfriend; which technically wasn’t a lie, because the girl lived there too. When I arrived she told me that she had a date and they were going to the movies. Her cousin said that he just lost his job and didn’t have any cash to spare. I was content with just kicking it with him at home. After she left we had the house to ourselves.

If my memory serves me correctly he wasn’t the most attractive man. I didn’t care; I wasn’t the most attractive girl…lol. We made small talk for a little while, he seemed nice enough. Everything was fine until he invited me into his bedroom to watch television. We sat on his bed and watched the news. He kept insisting that I make myself more comfortable.

At first it began with him removing my shoes. I told him that I didn’t want to but, he was adamant about not wanting me sitting on his bed with my shoes on.  I vaguely remember how he wrestled my clothes off.  The next thing I knew, we were having sex and he was hurting me. I begged him to stop. I even cried at some point. He told me he had to “finish” and that I needed to hold him close to me. It was one of the most horrific moments in my life.

After it was said and done he gave me a maxi pad because I was bleeding. My mother came to pick me up, and I never spoke of it again. I saw the girl at school from time to time. We were never friends to begin with so nothing came of the matter.

I told this story to say this; you are not your past. You can be healed from the past, especially if you can forgive yourself and others. I am much wiser since the days of my youth. I may not have been smart every day but, I’ve been smart enough not to let the past define me as a person. I am whole, I am warm, and I am alive…in Jesus’ name. Amen.