The Miseducation of Sex

The introduction of sex and sexuality was probably the biggest thing that came out of my teenage experience. Up until that time I had only limited perception of any of it. I remember as a child flipping through the pages of my mother’s book The Joy of Sex and also trying to stay up late to watch a soft-core movie on cable. Other than that, there was only the “sex talk” that came from health class. My mother and I to this day have never discussed anything on the subject. Ironically, her mother never talked to her. She didn’t even realize that she was pregnant with my eldest brother until my grandmother took her to the doctor.

Having sex or a baby didn’t seem real to me until I saw children my age doing it. Everyone seemed so natural and nonchalant about it. When I was in 8^th grade there were several pregnant girls that were in my class. They didn’t seem scared or bothered by it. The faculty seemed even less attentive to the situation. The girls made it sound like it might be fun to have a baby. They were looking forward to coming up with colorful names and dressing the child in the latest gear. My aunt had a neighbor; a young girl of eighteen years old. The girl was kind to me and often invited me over. In my mind I thought this girl was awesome. Eighteen seemed old to me but, I had no idea that it is really young. She was barely a child herself and she already had three children. Her eldest child lived with her father and stepmother. She had a one year old daughter and had just spit out a brand new baby boy. She was just out of high school, with no real job experience, and no man to help.  Looking back on that girl, I now realize that her life was practically doomed. Somehow I managed to emulate some of her mistakes later on in my life. It is the amount of sexual exposure, plus the lack of self esteem, minus real sex education that brings many girls like us into those situations.

When the issue of boys came up I was ill prepared for the subject. All my life, I had only been use to boys making fun of me and pretty much finding me repulsive. I can’t recall how it came about that the boys like Elliott Williams, and others, came to fancy me in the least. I remember feeling grateful and addicted to being with them. It did bother me that they shunned me at school but, not enough to keep them away when they wanted me. Even though I desired it, I never felt like I was worth the trouble of flaunting a public relationship. In my mind I could pretend that I was. I never questioned any of them or told them how I felt. It was all about pleasing them so they would come back to me. Regrettably, I have spent my entire adulthood making that same mistake and living that lie.