Two women were sitting in a pizza shop. They both had ordered their own pies, and were about to dig in. One woman said to the other; “I can’t do this”! The other looked at her confused. She said; “I want to eat this pizza, but I had to unzip my pants just after looking at it.” Her friend looked in disbelief. She then asserted; “I have already gained like 10lbs extra, and I am beginning to have a little pooch belly”. The other woman laughed and asked her; “What does your man say about this? When you take off your clothes in front of him does he ask you to leave the room, or does he gaze at you in disgust”? She quietly shook her head no. Her wise friend continued; “Of course not. You know why; because he doesn’t care. He is in a room with the woman he loves, standing naked before him. He is in paradise”! A tear slid down the woman’s cheek. Her friend went on to further explain; “I have spent a lifetime feeling guilty about everything that I eat. I count calories, I am sure to do my crunches, etc. I decided to put an end to all that and just enjoy as much of every moment in life that I can. I’m not interested in becoming obese; I just don’t want to put so much effort into worrying about something that isn’t really a problem”.
What a novel idea! When I was a child, I was so skinny that people thought that I was being starved at home. I’m told I was pure ribs and boney legs. When I was an early teen we lived in a dangerous neighbor in Dallas, TX. My mother forbade me to go outside unless I was going to school or with my family. I spent two and half years practicing terrible eating habits and not getting any exercise.
When I went off to boot camp for the Army, my body was cut and fit like never before. When my unit deployed to Egypt, I maintained a strict diet of water and M.R.E.s (meal’s ready to eat) the entire time. After I got pregnant with my eldest son, all of that went out the window. Still, I was able to maintain a decent figure.
Last year I had this dead end, pond scum of a job. I held odd hours and fell back into my old habit of eating bad. Over the holidays I noticed that some extra weight had suddenly jumped on me. I realize that this isn’t from nowhere. I am over thirty, so my metabolism might be giving me some kind of sign.
I think I still have it going on for a woman who carried four children; all of them were well over 5lbs at birth. None of my clothes fit me right anymore. This is distressing to me because, I rarely shop for new clothes. It took me a while to accumulate what little wardrobe I do have. At first, I thought I was bugging out because I didn’t want to admit that I need to go up in pants size. Then I realized that I have to buy a whole new set of clothes, if I don’t want to continue to suck my gut in all day long.
I asked my man how he felt. He always says I look fine and don’t need to lose any weight. I hate it when he says that. I can’t believe that he is honestly still attracted to me. He hates it when I say that. My mind gets taxed over things like this. I am very self conscious about my appearance.
I even took to only making love in the dark. Then somewhere I just stopped wanting to have sex at all. I joined a hot yoga class, determined to sweat away my bulge. I tried walking on the trails every day, but with the sucky Washington weather it is impossible.
One day I decided enough with the fuss. I’m fortunate to be with a man who loves me for my mind, soul, and body. As far as he is concerned, I am the mother of his children and the apple of his eye. Knowing that alone makes me feel sexy. It isn’t just his approval that helps me to cope. I am finally coming to a place where I can accept me for me. This is regardless of if I am thin or not, if my hair is combed or not, and if my clothes fit or not.
God created us in his image. When we love each other, we love God. I want to love God and need to love myself in order to get there. None of this is to say that I won’t continue to try and stay fit. I have four children and I live in a state with nothing but mountains and bike trails. Like the woman in the story, I will enjoy as much of every minute that I can. I will also stop worrying about things that aren’t really a problem.
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